18May2012
Sorry I’ve been silent lately.
I’ve had more questions than answers, and plans changing more rapidly than my mind could even keep up with.
I prayed an amazingly bold prayer when I came home, and God came through.
And it sucked.
This has been the most difficult trip home I’ve ever had.
I asked for brokeness, and for discontentment, and whatever it took for God to draw me near to Him.
I got it.
I’ve been lonely, insecure, and completely lost.
First, I pulled into isolation, desperately trying to numb away the pain, but God wouldn’t let me.
He would remind me why He was doing this, and put something in my life to pull me back in.
I could go from an amazing weekend, with worship at Shekinah Fellowship and Crucified combining to bring me to a point of extreme joy, boldness, and deeper knowledge of love and faith than ever before, to a Monday when I would pull away from the world, unable to handle what I was being pulled to and falling into my same old depression and loneliness, trying to mask the pain with whatever I could, even turning back to the pornography that Satan always bring in to trip me up again.
But God wouldn’t let me stay there.
He would pull me back out, assuring me that He was still there, just as He promised.
That my lonliness was only Him, showing me that He is sufficient to meet my needs.
That He was sufficient for everything.
Then, I got word that the Disaster Relief training with Mission to the World had been cancelled. I had planned my trip home to fit that training in. I’ve sought this training, as well as EMT First Responder training, in the past, only to have the door slammed in my face, with God just saying, “Patience, wait for my time.”
In the midst of it all, I got news that my dear friends, Dr. Ken and Diane Pierce of SurfHaiti and Haitibaby were moving back to Hawaii. Pray for them as they work through this transition.
Then, I heard that a wedding I was excited to attend had been called off due to a terrible set of circumstances. Pray for this, you don’t need names. Just pray for the Church in Jacmel.
And I turned to God, asking what this was all about.
My plans were under attack. My mind was under attack. And now, my new church family in Haiti was under attack.
And I was broken, right where I asked to be, and I was not happy about it.
Yet, He was still there, pulling me closer to Him.
This past week has been a time where God revealed His plans, and I have to give Him an incredible amount of glory.
First, He gave me the chance to share with Crucified last sunday, on the exact day He had appointed for me. I wasn’t ready for this any sooner during this trip. I was able to open up like never before, to share my joy, my pain, my life, and to encourage our church to boldly seek Him, despite ourselves.
Then, He gave me the chance to take a road trip to Atlanta, to spend another 12 hours with someone that I will never forget before she follows God half a world from where He has called me.
Then, I was able to reconcile a broken friendship, and rekindle others from several years in my past, through his power.
and through the whole 24 hours of driving, I never turned on the radio. It was His time. He had pulled me into a place that I was still utterly confused and desperate for Him, which is exactly where I asked to be.
Finally, he brought the disaster releif course to me, here in Johnstown.
This has been a great learning experience, and I know that God will use this in my future.
And now, He takes me to the next steps in my life.
Step 1 will be to return to Haiti.
I need to get back to my family. They are hurt, and while I have no solutions, I feel like I need to be there with them. God is leading, I am following, the rest will come clear in it’s own time.
Step 2 will be to build a house/workshop.
God has provided the funding for me to get 2 containers and put up a residence and workspace to move F1 forward. Now I can fix and work on inverters, host my training courses, and many other things.
Also, He has given me exactly what I need.
He exposed all my insecurities, broke me, drew me to Himself, then lifted me back up through loving words that only He could have provided for me through one of the most amazing people I have ever met.
I gave up my loneliness, He provided.
I gavev up my plans for the Disaster training, and He provided.
I’ve been talking lately about being a homeless man, and He gave me a home.
Praise the Lord that He gives us what we need, exactly, even when it hurts.
Please continue to pray for my future. I see steps 1 and 2, and I desperately will be looking forward to steps 3, 4, and beyond. I have an idea for what I want, but I want Him even more.
Please pray for Nick and Gwenn Mangine, Dave and Darlis Bird, Gayly, Patrick, Sarah, Melinda, Craig, Amanda, Tommy and Joy, Dan Dumas, Dr. Ken and Diane, and Emi and Hannah, Maria Saunders, Susan, Derek, Chris Shanter, Jamie Soderlund and all of Crucified here.
And please pray specifically for Dr. Ken and Diane, Maria, Sarah, Gayly, and Jamie Soderlund as they go through gigantic transitions in their lives.
And pray for Apostles, and for the boldness of the church.
Satan and his demons are still active in supernatural ways on this earth.
God is calling us to step up, to call upon His powerful name, and to show that He is even greater than anything we can ask or imagine.
Do not be afraid, and do not be discourage, for the Lord your God is with You wherever you go.
