I am an Idiot

Here I am, on a plane from Charlotte to Miami, coming to the realization that I am an idiot.

That’s why you came to the blog, right? I posted the link to this from Facebook to get you here. Now let me tell you why I am a moron.

It is simple. It is because I let myself fall into worry, and even arrogance.

I have been pushing to get donations, and I sincerely apologize for it. But the apology is not because I may have annoyed some of you. It is an apology to God for doubting that He would provide.

I came home from Haiti, and I had big ideas of what needed to be done. I needed to raise money, I needed to buy a truck, I needed to get tools, and I needed to do all of this quickly.
At the same time, I fell into arrogance. First, it was the thought that I needed to do these things myself. God has provided for F1 Engineering, and all the needs that have been part of it for over a year. God has even covered up when I don’t know what I’m doing, or when money didn’t come in from places I expected, or even when I got a truck that wasn’t the right one and He still chose to fix my mistake. (Praise God that He is faithful even if I am not)
I came home and was hearing all about my friends that were doing great things for Invisible Children.
I came home and was looking at big churches with new and expensive toys.
I came home and kept realizing all the money that people I know were making and getting upset that many of MY friends were not supporting MY ministry.

In short, I became jealous of the money God was providing others while worrying how I would provide for what I was doing.
For that I am sorry.

God will provide for what God is doing.
He has made this evident to me time and time again.

He proves this when donations come in from people I have long forgotten. My brother’s ex-girlfriend from across the country, my cousin’s friend from high school, a church worker giving well beyond what I expect his means to be. This is all reminders that everything is for God’s glory.
If money comes simply from MY contacts, or who I expect it from, or when I raise it, that is not to God’s glory, that is something I can look at as a time when I was a good fundraiser.

Starting today, I promise that I will not ask for money ever again.
If F1 Engineering is going to survive, it will be because God keeps it going.

In a great picture that has been painted in my mind lately (even as I was too dense to apply it to my current situation), I have come to realize that I am simply God’s employee. I am tasked to do the work He gives to me, utilizing His resources and expense account, and giving all the credit to Him as His customer service representative.

He has all the money, I have none. That is how it is meant to be.

I am also reminded that it does not matter how many children I clothe, give clean water, or provide power to, it only matters that I glorify my God through all of it.
I will continue this work, but it is all in His Name.
However, I must focus more on challenging others to live in radical obedience as well. I must show everyone who God is, and what that means to them. I must live in a way to illustrate God’s power, sustainance, grace, compassion, and all His other attributes. So, the best way to do so is to live a life that simply could not be possible without God.

Please pray for me as I attempt to live up to this challenge.
Please take this challenge yourself. “In the words of Paul, immitate me as I immitate Christ.”

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I am an Idiot

Comments are closed.